Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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