Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize