Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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