sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
