Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize