Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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