And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
