Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
