matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
