I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
