You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
