rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
