Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
