i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
