I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
