You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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