Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
