I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
