Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
