I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
