I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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