I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
