were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i believe in u and ur pee
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
