6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
