the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
