Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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