eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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