That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
