why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
