the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
