The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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