I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize