I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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