she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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