Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
