i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
