I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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