i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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