Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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