dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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