I think my vagina is haunted
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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