dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My ass is underappreciated
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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