i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
God gave him joint rollers for hands
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
