Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
