Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
