Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
