Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
