we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
