Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
