Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
