apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
