I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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