then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night