So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
