watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
