Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
