The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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