Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
In America we eat man semen.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
